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9/15/2009
"Sitting here on a post by myself in the middle of the night underneath the stars I start to wonder about what is to come. What will happen next in my life. When I deploy I will see things that I have been trained for. I have seen and done things in training that I have never imagined.i have said things that I never thought that I would say. I have become a person I never thought I would become.i have seen sides of me that I never want to see. When I deploy I will deploy as a vital part of my unit.i have done training that no one speaks of. I have learned ways to make any person tell me exactly what I want them to say.i have learned to attack w/out being seen. I have learned to shoot to kill.i have learned to not show fear or anger or any emmotions at all.i have learned to stalk and how to eazedrop.i have been to 5 different schools within a year in the marines. If I have to do what I am trained to do when I deploy; will I be forgiven? Will saint peters still let me in the gate? Will I roam the beautiful streets of heaven? If I shall fall in the hands of the enemy will god give me the strength to do and say what I need to. Will I be able to get through the unimagineable. Will I be able to take a life without thought.there are so many questions one can ask before he deploys.i have had unimaginable thoughts of battles and fighting. I have had many nights where scenarios play over and over in my mind. I have not slept many nights due to mock missions and constant drilling of knowledge. Will all this pay off? Will life ever be the same? Will I be able to walk in a crowd and not feel threatened. Will I be ableto sit in a restuarant without locating all the exits and observing all the people around me.life…. will never be the same. But I will adapt and overcome.i have found the love of my life and cant wait to begin my life w/her.i will teach my son or sons what my father has taught me and what I have learned. I will grow old and live a happy life til the natural death…….that is my dream but the fear of premature death over seas is always present. God is an amazing person and he is who knows my answers. For now…..illl just enjoy the ride. But all in all life is an unknown and unending adventure."
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