Today is the last day of hosting "The Tonight Show" for Jay Leno. Let's take a minute to look inside his head this morning with The Top Things Jay Leno is Thinking Right Now.
Should I start practicing my monologue for when I come back?
Can I get anyone to laugh at these jokes without a light-up applause sign?
I wonder if I can work Monica Lewinsky, Judge Ito and Sarah Palin into one last mega-joke?
I've got Billy Crystal AND Garth Brooks on tonight. And yet the IDIOTS at NBC STILL say I don't know how to reach a young demographic!
Remember: When the police stop by tomorrow, tell them I have "no idea" who could have possibly cut Jimmy Fallon's brakes.
It's been over 20 years. But thanks to my punch lines, it still feels like 1995.
I hope Jimmy Fallon lets me guest-host sometime. Like on his first night. And his second night. Ah, what the hell . . . night three, too.
Remember, don't open any ticking packages from Conan.
I wonder how much I'd have to pay Kevin Eubanks to hang out in my garage, hold a guitar and chuckle mindlessly at everything I say.
Now I'll have time to resume the impossible search for someone who even once laughed at a "Headlines" bit.
Can I still approach idiots on the street with political questions just for my own amusement?
Being forced into retirement sucks! Now I have to spend all day with my hundreds of cars and billions of dollars!
How do I get Google to stop putting me as the top result when you search "backstabber?"