Tomorrow is Chinese New Year . . . so we figured this would be a good time to give you The Top Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages.

Today is going to be the best day of your life. Which is pretty sad, when you think about it.

Your future is as uncertain as what's really in the Szechuan shrimp.

You lack the confidence to make your own decisions, so you actually listen to advice given by food.

Money can't buy you happiness. But it CAN buy you a kick-ass 80-inch TV for your Super Bowl party.

Adding "in bed" to the end of this fortune doesn't make you clever.

Hey chubby, you should probably skip the cookie.

The only certainty in your life is that you'll deeply regret having spent $5.95 for this lunch in about an hour.

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