President Obama will deliver the State of the Union Address to the nation this evening. Find out why you couldn't care less with . . . The Top Reasons You're Not Going to Watch Obama's State of the Union Address.
All that candy ain't gonna crush itself.
You'd rather wait until it's over and let cable news tell you what to think.
Who cares? It's going to be Hillary's country soon anyway.
If you want to hear from a lame duck who's just biding his time until he's pushed out the door, you'll watch "The Tonight Show".
He's not going to announce what you want to hear: America's deporting Justin Bieber.
It won't end with an on-field interview between Erin Andrews and a fiery Richard Sherman.
Why watch for him just saying: "We're in debt, we're at war, and there are no jobs. Goodnight!"
You're eager to hear Obama personally thank all the people he's indebted to. But unfortunately, you don't speak Chinese.
Despite all your angry letters, the President STILL refuses to officially declare Scott Baio a national treasure.
You have it on good authority that Obama's NOT going to conclude the speech by finally revealing who killed Biggie and Tupac.
Why watch when you can just read the uninformed rantings about it from your Facebook friends.
You're too busy testing out Obama's theory that pot is no worse than alcohol.
You'll start to watch it, but you'll only see five minutes of it because you'll be passed out from doing a shot each time he tells a lie.
If you wanted to be fed a bunch of false promises, you would just watch your wedding video again.
You don't want to spend the entire speech trying to adjust your TV's color to make John Boehner's skin look like a natural color.
You've been completely depleted of all hope and change.