The second installment of "The Hobbit" trilogy opens today.  Fans are really excited.  But that may change once they hear The Top Surprises in "The Hobbit:  The Desolation of Smaug".

Fans finally realize that these movies are just a string of narrow escapes masking a complete lack of story.

To make footage of Smaug even more terrifying, it's replaced by Carrie Underwood in "The Sound of Music Live".

Samuel L. Jackson shows up at the end to invite Bilbo to join the Avengers.

During a lull in action, the Dwarves ask Evangeline Lilly to explain the ending of "Lost".

The dragon is only defeated after being completely overwhelmed by Orlando Bloom's dreaminess.

You wanted to stop seeing these movies after the first one, but it's a hard "Hobbit" to break. 

You get to the end and find out Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

Gandalf becomes very unpopular with the Hobbits after implementing a new universal healthcare plan.

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