Much of the country got hit with severe winter weather over the weekend. And surprisingly, this is good news for some people. Here are The Top Reasons You Love Winter.
You get such a manly feeling pushing that 4-wheel drive button on the dash.
Long scarves make it even easier to identify, and thus avoid, hipsters.
Even Miley Cyrus has to put some damn clothes on.
You can pass off your cocaine-inflamed nose as a tribute to Rudolph.
Icicles make fingerprint-proof murder weapons.
Christmas lights make your trailer look less like a meth lab.
Catching snowflakes on your tongue is a fun way to take your mind off the job you don't have, because you live in America in 2013.
Nothing says "holiday cheer" like downing a flask of cinnamon schnapps while trying not to slit your wrist, as your tone-deaf kid butchers "O Holy Night" at the Christmas pageant.
Snow hides all the leaves you never raked in the fall.
You love sitting indoors, drinking cocoa with the family. Kidding! You totally hate winter!