With the World Series underway, we thought it'd be a good time to give you The Top Best Things About Being a Major League Umpire.
You get to travel to all the greatest cities in America . . . and meet their drunkest, most belligerent residents.
You're in a ballpark every night witnessing America's favorite pastime . . . eating junk food and drinking beer.
There's always someone within earshot to tell you that you suck. Just like marriage.
Having thousands of people hate you gives you an idea of what it's like to be Nickelback.
You can totally relate to Obama, since half the people sort of tolerate you, and the other half think you're the single worst abomination ever to walk the face of the earth.
Everyone finds it hysterical on Halloween when you talk in a Dracula voice and call yourself the "vumpire."
If you work a Houston Astros game, you get to do your job in front of dozens of fans!
Like everyone else watching a baseball game, you get to catch up on sleep.