A recent government study found that 80% of Americans don't get the recommended amount of exercise. To find out why . . . here are the Top Excuses for Not Working Out.
Your philosophy is "No pain, no . . . PAIN."
Why bother when obesity counts as a pre-existing condition under Obamacare?
Screw it . . . McDonald's has chicken wings now!
You were kicked out of the Y for accidentally walking into the women's locker room . . . 9 times in one week.
The gym makes you go outside to smoke.
Who needs a treadmill when you're already going nowhere in LIFE.
You always lose sweatbands in your head fat.
You don't know if any of that fitness equipment was licked by Miley Cyrus.
Who needs free weights when you've got steroids?
The same reason you don't do anything else: you're a lazy bastard.
Like everyone else in America, you get all the exercise you need furiously waddling after the ice cream truck.
Other than feeling better, looking better, and living longer, what's in it for you?
You've decided to go as slutty Jabba the Hutt this Halloween.
The gym is two blocks away, but the Taco Bell is just one block away.