Are you happy with your current bank? Probably not if you agree with anything from the Top Signs You Have a Bad Bank.
Their pens are chained to the desks. As are their tellers.
They approved you for a loan. Ha-ha. Idiots.
You ask the girl where your money is, and she points to her brand new Bon Jovi tramp stamp.
The lollipops on its counter are pre-licked.
The teller recommends that you make your ATM pin the first four numbers of your weight.
Instead of monthly statements, they send out cards with a cartoon kitten saying, "Oopsie!"
The tellers seem to hate you, their job, and their life even more than usual.
They claim they're experts at all types of banking. Except savings accounts, checking accounts, loans, or any types of deposits or withdrawals.
They're starting to ask questions about the smell of rotting flesh emanating from your safe deposit box.
You don't get free checking when you open a new account. But you DO get to hear the manager call you a moron under his breath.
Whenever you make a withdrawal, there's a box you can check indicating how much you'd like to donate to the "Save our Bank" fund.
Their main investment strategy involves emailing your account info to a friendly gentleman at the Nigerian Consulate.
When you ask the manager why your entire checking account's been emptied without your consent, he shrugs and says, "Beats me. Frankly, I've never been good with money."
Before putting your money in the drawer, the teller sniffs every bill for cocaine residue.
You can find better interest rates at the check cashing place behind the liquor store.