Fall officially arrived yesterday . . . and this is depressing to many people. Here are the Top Reasons You Aren't Happy it's Fall.
You have to pretend you love everybody's ugly-ass sweater.
Your daughter wants to use the foam finger that you watch football with to make her Miley Cyrus Halloween outfit.
The same reason you're not happy when it's winter, spring or summer: you're a miserable bastard.
You're a pretentious hipster, so you only like to wear a scarf and wool hat when it's 90 degrees out.
Fall means Saturdays out in the yard, raking leaves and making awkward small talk with the obnoxious neighbors you secretly loathe.
Trying to figure out if you should call it "fall" or "autumn" causes you to have massive seizures.
You're a girl and you haven't yet figured out which occupation to slut-up for Halloween.
You have to wait until after the kids are off to school to have that first cocktail.
Walking into Target reminds you that there are only 92 more days to do your Christmas shopping.