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Top Reasons You Don't Go to Starbucks

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Starbucks is asking customers not to bring guns into their stores.  See why this announcement doesn't affect you in the least with the Top Reasons You Don't Go to Starbucks.

You've been playing "Grand Theft Auto" for 72 hours.  If you interact with people at this point, you might forget what's real and stab someone.

You're tired of employees giving you funny looks when you partake of the complimentary CDs.

If you're going to spend that much money on a beverage, it better get you drunk.

You're perfectly content writing a screenplay in the privacy of your home.

It doesn't feature large-breasted women in tight white tank tops serving you hot wings.

The coffee's okay, but Tegan & Sara just don't get your blood pumping in the morning.

You're a hipster . . . so you're looking for a new coffee shop that won't be popular until NEXT year.

You're waiting for them to show a commitment to diversity by finally hiring a straight male barista.

You just learned "Venti" is Italian for "How much you wanna bet we can get idiots to pay nine bucks for a large coffee?"

As a diehard Cylon loyalist, you refuse to patronize any establishment named after the hero in "Battlestar Galactica".

You're still patiently waiting for them to hire an employee who can contain his hatred for his life long enough to avoid scowling at customers while taking their orders.

If a barista spells your name wrong on your coffee cup, it will be the last thing they ever do.

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