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Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Lifeguard

A #DGS971 List - Photo by PRPhotos.com

Do you like helping people?  Can you swim?  Can you leer at bikini-clad millennials without having them realize you are leering at them?  Well, these are just a few of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Lifeguard.

 

Does excessive back hair help protect against shark attacks?

 

Is it okay to let someone drown if they're wearing a "Duck Dynasty" bathing suit?

 

Do I enjoy being mocked by kids and ignored by adults?

 

Can I represent the field with as much dignity as David Hasselhoff?

 

Am I just doing this to sell pot?

 

Will my whistle ever tangle with my nipple ring?

 

Can I resist the impossible urge to strangle dirt-bag surfers whenever they call me "brah?"

 

Should I be worried that the last time I took off my shirt, everyone at the pool began dumping chlorine in their eyes and screaming about how God is dead?

 

Will anyone notice if I use mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as an excuse to explore my sexual orientation?

 

Will I be able to tell the difference between a beached manatee and an average American sunbather?

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