#FOIZEYSHOW , RED2, RIPD, and Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Bartender.
7/19/2013 3:00:00 PM
As I did last Friday, today I’ll be filling in as host on the DGS, so for better or worse expect a full-on FOIZEYSHOW!
One of the things I’ll be doing today is reviewing RED 2. Bruce Willis reunites his team of retired CIA operatives to keep a nuclear device from detonating in Russia. Anthony Hopkins is a scientist who's their best shot at diffusing it . . . even though he's been locked in an insane asylum for 32 years.
John Malkovich and Helen Mirren are both here, and Mary-Louise Parker is also back as Bruce's girlfriend. She's now got an old flame of his to worry about, a Russian agent played by Catherine Zeta-Jones.
I’ll also talk about RIPD, in which Ryan Reynolds plays a cop killed in the line of duty and enlisted to become a member of the R.I.P.D., protecting the living from evil souls who refuse to move on in the afterlife.
Jeff Bridges plays an Old West lawman who becomes Ryan's new partner in the afterlife, and Mary-Louise Parker (!) is their boss at the Rest in Peace Department.
When they're walking around among the living, they don't look or sound like themselves anymore. Ryan Reynolds looks like an old Chinese guy, and Jeff Bridges looks like "Sports Illustrated" model Marissa Miller.
They quietly released a videogame version on Xbox Live this Wednesday. "RIPD: The Game" is a co-op shooter that will set you back $10 in MS Points.
There's a video on YouTube of some guy high-fiving a BUMBLE BEE with his finger.
The bee is sitting on a rotting piece of fruit, and he high-fives it when the bee raises one of its arms.
According to the YouTube page, the guy had been drinking.
Providing overpriced libations to drunken idiots seems like a fun and glamorous way to make a living, but before you embark on this rewarding career, truthfully answer the following Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Bartender.
Am I prepared to live by the sacred bartender code and only serve the hot chicks, no matter how long the guys have been waiting?
People who spend all day drinking in a bar are always happy and fun and NEVER depressed or miserable, right?
Am I allowed to smash a bottle of Bud Light across a pretentious hipster's face, when he demands to know why we don't have any locally sourced organic wheat-beer?
Could doing shots with a group of hefty girls at a bachelorette party possibly lead me to make any poor decisions?
Will I be able to hide the fact I want to shoot myself whenever my regulars come in and tell the same painful story of the time they played quarterback on their high school football team?
Will the health inspector agree that the most effective way to clean beer glasses is dunking them in a sink full of lukewarm, filthy dishwater?
Is there any better way to ensure a productive, healthy work environment than getting wasted every night and hooking up with my coworkers? (Wait, is this talking about working in radio?)
Cleaning the taps more than once every five years is more of a "suggestion" than a requirement, right?
Will that sticky stuff on the floor ever come off the bottom of my shoes?
Am I ready to admit to my parents that I should have gone to grad school?
Do I feel rewarded when I help ugly people hook up?
Where did I go wrong, and is there time to fix it?
Do I also want to listen to the problems of people who AREN'T my Facebook friends?
If Indiana Jones suddenly shows up in my bar seeking a medallion my archaeologist father once possessed, am I prepared to drop everything and join him for the adventure of a lifetime?
A wrestler from Azerbaijan won his match at a wrestling tournament in Russia this week . . . and then did one of the most ridiculous celebration dances you'll ever see from an athlete. The referee actually interrupted the dance to shake his hand.
But then the wrestler jumped right back into it.
He starts dancing at :35.