David Lynch & Nine Inch Nails, Top (Made Up) Facts About the Secret Service, & the Westboro Church Hates Taylor Swift
Posted 7/1/2013 3:00:00 PM

Director DAVID LYNCH has a long track record of making weird movies, like "The Elephant Man", "Blue Velvet" and "Eraserhead". But the music video he just released for the new NINE INCH NAILS song "Came Back Haunted" is straight-up SEIZURE INDUCING.

Seriously, it starts with a warning message that says if you're epileptic, you probably shouldn't watch it. Then it's roughly four minutes of absolute chaos.

The last time David and Nine Inch Nails singer TRENT REZNOR collaborated was 16 years ago, when Trent produced the soundtrack for the movie, "Lost Highway".

"Came Back Haunted" is the first Nine Inch Nails single in five years. It's off their upcoming album, "Hesitation Marks", which comes out September 3rd.


With the Secret Service being part of the story in "White House Down", we thought it'd be a good time to take a closer look at the agency with the Top Interesting Facts About the Secret Service.

They are the only people left in the world who give a crap about the well-being of Jimmy Carter.

They wear those sunglasses so you can't see them rolling their eyes while President Obama is speaking.

Because agents are unemotional and rarely make eye contact, they're often mistaken for Canadians.

Had they done their job on that fateful November day in 1963, Oliver Stone would have nothing to drunkenly ramble on about.

They dress in black, have earphones, and operate with razor-sharp efficiency. Just like your host at the Cheesecake Factory!

 They never smile. Unless they're off-duty . . . in a foreign country . . . and spot a hooker.

It's been scientifically proven that nothing on earth is more badass than wearing sunglasses indoors.

They protect the President. You know, just like MSNBC.

They are not nearly as fun to look at as the agents in Victoria's Secret Service.

Agents train not to laugh by watching episodes of "Two and a Half Men".

The morons at the Westboro Baptist Church are planning to protest TAYLOR SWIFT'S concert in Kansas City, Missouri on August 3rd . . . because they think she's a SERIAL FORNICATOR who hops from one man to the next.

They even went so far as to call her, quote, "the poster child for young whores" and "the whorish face of doomed America."

(Side note: "The Whorish Face of Doomed America" would be a great album title.)

 These Westboro idiots are the same hate mongers who hold anti-gay protests at funerals for soldiers killed overseas. They also blamed CARRIE UNDERWOOD for the shooting at Sandy Hook elementary school.

In a press release for this protest they said Taylor, quote, "works her 'girl next door' country-singer shtick, while hopping from one young man to the next and strutting across the world stage like a proud whore."

Taylor hasn't dignified this nonsense with a response, and I doubt she will.

I wonder what the GOATS think of this?


Posted By: Max Foizey  

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