Eric Holder Doesn't Know, Double Rainbow Encore, & the To Do List of Seth Meyers
Posted 5/16/2013 3:00:00 PM

Cut Eric Holder Some Slack... He Just Doesn't Know!

Dave’s wife and daughter are on a plane right now, heading to New York.

Dave said he finds it weird to think of his “family in the sky.”

Which made me think of the DOUBLE RAINBOW SONG.

He joined the cast of "Saturday Night Live" in 2001 and became the anchor of "Weekend Update" in 2006. This coming February, he's replacing Jimmy Fallon as the host of NBC's "Late Night".

How does he do it all? Let's check the Celebrity To Do List of Seth Meyers.

8:00 A.M. Wake up from horrible dream that I actually had to be funny to get my own talk show.

8:30 A.M. Practice in mirror shouting punch lines sarcastically.

10:00 A.M. Realize I just agreed to go from working one night a week, to five. Wonder what the hell I was thinking.

11:00 A.M. Receive a congratulatory basket of muffins from Jay Leno. Wonder how many have been poisoned.

11:25 A.M. Affix lips to Lorne Michaels' butt. Freeze for rest of the day.

12:00 P.M. Lunch. Jimmy Fallon's leftovers.

1:00 P.M. Look at Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, and David Letterman . . . and realize the reason I was hired: because what late night television really needs is another stiff, awkward white guy.

1:25 P.M. Prepare for late night talk show sketches by practicing my wide-range of characters: straight-laced white guy and straight-laced white guy with an arched eyebrow.

3:00 P.M. Take a news story that blatantly indicts President Obama, twist it into a joke slamming Republicans, and smirk. But not as well as Jon Stewart.

6:30 P.M. Say something smug and then grin at how clever I am. Collect paycheck.

8:00 P.M. Wonder if getting the "Late Night" gig is worth having to spend the foreseeable future listening to Lorne Michaels pontificate endlessly about the art of comedy.

10:30 P.M. Bedtime. Prepare to follow in David Letterman's footsteps by nailing an intern.

I’ve never watched Lingerie Football on TV…have you? Well, the Lingerie Football League changed its name to the "Legends Football League" this season . . . which makes no sense at all as they’re all still in…..lingerie.

Anyway, a video from a game earlier this month between the Los Angeles Temptation (???) and Seattle Mist (???) is making the rounds online . . . because of a celebration one of the L.A. players did.

After making a tackle, she promptly stood up and started shaking her backside . . . a.k.a., "twerking" . . . all while she was still straddling the HEAD of the girl she tackled.

“Legends” indeed.

Posted By: Max Foizey  

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