Sex With Aliens, The Saga of Mainus, and Top Things You Don't Want To Hear At Spring Break
Posted 3/26/2013 3:00:00 PM

On Friday, a mixed martial arts fighter named Zac Chavez took on a guy named Dan MAINUS. And it resulted in some of the funniest sports commentary you'll ever hear.

Each time the announcers who were calling the fight said Mainus's last name, it sounded WAY dirtier than it should have. Someone posted a great montage of clips from it.

A few of the best lines included, quote, "Mainus [is] flat on the canvas" . . . "There is a cut on Mainus" . . . and, quote, "The ringside physician has just popped in there to look at Mainus."

I don’t think the great poet Robert Frost, born on this day in 1874, ever mentioned Mainus.

His most famous poem is "The Road Not Taken". In it, the narrator faces two wooded paths, takes the one less traveled, stumbles onto a pot farm, and is murdered by drug lords. Okay, I didn't read it.

Did you know that Robert Frost's next-door neighbor in New England was his estranged brother, Richard? When Frost went for long winter walks, his wife would warn him, "Be careful. Ya don't wanna wind up with Dick Frost." That was a long way to go. Sorry.

Many of Frost's poems reflect life in New England. Which explains one of his most famous poems, "Jeter Sucks".

Frost didn't make much money as a poet. But hey, poets aren't in it for the money. They're in it for the chicks and heroin.

The excellent independent film GINGER AND ROSA opens this Friday in Saint Louis. I tried to get an interview with its star Elle Fanning, but her publicist told me she is currently on Spring Break.

I hope her Spring Break is a fun and memorable time. But that might not be the case if she experiences anything from this list of the Top Things You Don't Want to Hear on Spring Break.

We're lost. Pull over and ask these sword-wielding drug lords if they can point us back to Mexico City.

Hey, even if the "D" looks like a "G," I still think your "Daytona 2013" tattoo rocks!

Our resort has a simple motto: A kidnapper's just a friend you haven't met!

We only serve the best beer in this town. And by "best", I mean MILWAUKEE'S Best.

Surprise! Your mom and I thought we'd tag along this year.

At least we can be fairly certain she won’t experience intimate times with extrateresstrials…unlike this woman, who was brave (?) enough to go on TV and talk about it.

Paging Dr. Lynch!

Posted By: Max Foizey  

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