A Pastor Doesn't Tip, God Loves the Super Bowl, and the To Do List of Ray Lewis
Posted 1/31/2013 3:00:00 PM

Sunday's Super Bowl will be the last game of his 17-year pro career. See what the all-pro linebacker has going on today with the Celebrity To Do List of Ray Lewis.

8:00 A.M.: Wake up, praise God loudly, then think about hitting someone so hard they go to the hospital.

8:20 A.M.: After showering, put on Axe Body Deer Antler Spray.

8:45 A.M.: Breakfast with teammates. Pick up the stab. I mean, tab.

10:00 A.M.: Send Tom Brady a "thank you" note for choking.

11:30 A.M.: Fail to see any hypocrisy in calling myself a pious family man, despite having six children with four women.

12:00 P.M.: Venison lunch. Ask waiter if I can have leftovers in an aerosol can.

1:00 P.M.: Meet some Ravens fans. Don't tell them the joy of a Super Bowl victory will NEVER surpass the crippling sadness of having to live in Baltimore.

2:00 P.M.: Crank call O.J. Simpson to taunt him about how I'm an NFL player who killed two people with a knife and got away with it.

3:00 P.M.: Get an injection from trainer. Don't ask any questions.

4:20 P.M.: Respond to allegations I used a banned substance made from deer antlers . . . by having every deer on earth murdered before they can prove anything.

5:00 P.M.: Accidentally call coach "JIM Harbaugh." When he corrects me, stab him.

6:00 P.M.: Accept award as the Baltimore resident who's committed the fewest murders.

10:00 P.M.: Pray. Then look at a picture of Colin Kaepernick and imagine ripping his head off.

It’s not just Ray Lewis…when the players and coaches of the winning Super Bowl team are interviewed after the game on Sunday, most of them . . . if not ALL of them . . . will give a shout-out to GOD. Which begs the question: Does God determine the Super Bowl winner?

According to a new survey by the Public Religion Research Institute, more than a quarter of Americans say YES.

27% say that God plays a role in who wins EVERY sporting event. The survey also found that 17% of Christians admit they're more likely to watch football on Sundays than go to church.

4% of the people surveyed said that being a fan of their favorite team is a VERY IMPORTANT part of their lives . . . and 1% said it was the MOST IMPORTANT thing in their lives.

Oooooook 1%. You have fun with that.

Speaking of religion, earlier this week a waitress from St. Louis posted a receipt online. The pastor who signed it had crossed out the automatic 18% tip for large parties, replaced it with a zero, and wrote, quote, "I give God 10%, why do you get 18%?"

The story went viral, and the Internet was able to connect the dots on the restaurant, the waitress, and the pastor. Here's the fallout. The restaurant was Applebee's. The pastor is 37-year-old Alois Bell, who leads the Truth In the Word Deliverance Ministries, which is a small, 15-member church in St. Louis. She says she DOES have another full-time job, and DOES tithe 10%. And she has apologized.

Quote, "It was a lapse in my character and judgment. My heart is really broken. I've brought embarrassment to my church and ministry." She also says she left $6 in cash on the table, which covered the 18% tip on her bill of $34.93. She wrote the zero on the receipt where it said ADDITIONAL tip, under the automatic 18%.

Which the restaurant charged her card anyway. So, if you believe she left the six bucks in cash on the table, she actually ended up OVER-TIPPING. The waitress who posted the receipt turned out to be a woman named Chelsea Welch. Although she's not the waitress who actually waited on the pastor.

And according to an Applebee's spokesman, Chelsea has been FIRED. Chelsea says she just posted it as, quote, "a lighthearted joke." Except she forgot to take off Alois' signature. So Applebee's has apologized to Alois for violating her, quote, "right to privacy."

Chelsea says she's surprised she got fired, because there was nothing in the employee handbook about publishing receipts online and, quote, "If this person wrote the note, obviously they wanted it to be seen."

What do YOU think of all of this? Leave you comments below.

Posted By: Max Foizey  

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