The Top (Goofy) Things We're Learning About Manti Te'o.
Posted 1/18/2013 3:00:00 PM

I hear Manti Te'o has been jamming some fake girlfriend songs these days…like this classic from 1978.

Is Manti Te'o a victim of an elaborate hoax, or a co-conspirator? That we don't know . . . but let's go with what we do. Here are the Top Things We're Learning About Manti Te'o.

Even though his girlfriend doesn't exist, Brent Musburger still finds her smokin'.

He's the biggest embarrassment to Notre Dame football in the past fifteen years since, well, Notre Dame football.

Sadly, even though his girlfriend isn't real, his performance in the BCS game was.

His favorite episode of "The Brady Bunch" was the one where Jan had her imaginary boyfriend George Glass.

His favorite musical artists are Milli Vanilli and Ashlee Simpson. He didn't know Skype existed, evidently.

Those tattoos all over his arms? Henna.

He'll admit to everything next week during an interview with Oprah.

He claims he wasn't in on the hoax. So he's not only naïve, he's a liar, too.

His team may not have won the BCS Title, but the imaginary post-game sex was dynamite!

He's been working through all of this with the help of an imaginary therapist.

In high school, he used to use the "my girlfriend just died" excuse at least once a month to skip classes.

In the past year, he's bought 12 bridges.

It's TOTALLY possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone you've never met in person. Case in point: Myself and Natalie Portman.

There's already a MANTI TE'O inspired MEME . . . naturally. It's not all that groundbreaking. Basically it's just men posing for a picture with their "invisible girlfriends." There's a Tumblr page that's collecting them from around the Internet. You can find it at

The big movie this weekend is a horror film about two orphaned girls rescued from a cabin in the woods, after surviving there for five years on their own. But when they're brought back to the city and reunited with their uncle, the ghost they call 'mama' becomes dangerously jealous and possessive.

Their uncle is played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau . . . Jaime Lannister from "Game of Thrones". . . and Jessica Chastain from "Zero Dark Thirty" plays his girlfriend. Right now she's the busiest redhead in Hollywood. But that's not saying much when the competition is Lindsay Lohan and Carrot-Top.

You may not recognize J-Cha (I’m starting that!) at first, because of her character's black hair and tattoos. She looks pretty damn good I must say.

Guillermo del Toro is the producer. He says, quote, "A ghost is like the essence of a person. If you leave a full personality to desiccate in the sun, then what is left is the corpse of one emotion."

Posted By: Max Foizey  

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