Top Reasons You Didn't Get a Christmas Bonus
12/26/2012 3:00:00 PM
Did you get a Christmas bonus this year? Um, we didn't. Buuuuuut....if you already have plans for your holiday bonus, remember first you have to get one. Here are the Top Reasons You Aren't Getting a Christmas Bonus.
--Duh, why else would a company have no extra money to share? OBAMACARE!
--You're currently screaming at your boss for rudely waking you up in the middle of your annual review.
--Your only job was ensuring Lindsay Lohan remained sober, free from legal trouble, and a viable Hollywood actress.
--HR is always accusing you of looking unprofessional, just because you refuse to wear a coat and tie . . . or pants.
--Because you thought it'd be a good idea to prank-call a London hospital.
--Take a look in the mirror. See that person staring back at you? That!
--Your job this year was as Mitt Romney's campaign manager.
--It turns out that there's nothing in your job description about spending seven hours a day watching cat videos.
--You work for Apple and you're a 12-year-old Chinese kid.
--Your name is Angus T. Jones
It's the day after Christmas, so maybe you should take down your tree. After all, it's INFESTED.
According to an insect expert at the University of Bergen in Norway, if you have a real Christmas tree . . . it's probably CRAWLING with BUGS.
Associate professor Bjarte Jordal said that real trees can be home to up to 25,000 different insects and spiders. (His first name is pronounced Bee YAR tay.)
Things you'll find in your tree include springtails . . . which are sometimes called book lice or snow fleas . . . and also spiders, moths, mites, and bark lice.
Most of them burrow into the tree and hibernate for the winter . . . but when you bring the tree inside your nice, warm home, they WAKE UP.
The good news is that most of those bugs live IN the tree . . . which means they're probably not going to leave it and spread throughout your house. Your house is also dry . . . and there's not a lot of food for them. So they'll die pretty quickly.