Tune into The Randy Tobler Show Sa: 6-10am and Vital Signs Sa: 10-11am.
Join Randy Tobler and Kelly Webb every Saturday for both The Randy Tobler Show and Vital Signs. Dr. Randy Tobler was named 2007-2008 "Best Doctors in America."
Dr. Randy Tobler and Kelly Webb host this holistic "on-air" health magazine. From women's health to the latest alternative medicine choices, they explore the many facets of wellness for you, your family and the planet with wide-ranging discussions on everything from health and nutrition to earth-friendly homes and garden tips. With special guests every week, there's a lot to share.
Randy Tobler, M.D., the host of Vital Signs, is an obstetrician-gynecologist who has practiced for 14 years in St. Louis. Trained at Washington University, he is on the clinical faculties of both the Washington University and St. Louis University schools of medicine. An avid athlete who survived a serious illness in 1997, Dr. Tobler has come to recognize the value of both mainstream and complementary approaches to wellness. He is an authority on subjects ranging from nutrition and fitness to reproductive endocrinology and menopause.
Kelly Webb, the co-host of the Vital Signs radio program, is a versatile, veteran radio broadcaster with a long-time interest in childhood development, family dynamics and education. Her career has led to a series of on-air assignments from Tulsa to her native St. Louis.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,
We've stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on what's right. So let's just end it right now while we can do it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.
So here's a model separation agreement.
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a portion. That's going to be the difficult part, but I'm sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.
We'll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and we'll let you have NBC and Hollywood.
You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security. You won't have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.
We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars.
You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is a privilege and not a right. We will keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to substitute in their place "Imagine." I'd like to teach the world to sing "Kumbaya" or "We are the world." We will practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J Wall
Law student and an American
P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda
Thanks for writing.
R
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