Reviewed by Max Foizey.

Release Date: June 8, 2007
Directed By: Tim Story
Starring: Michael Chiklis, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd
Rating: PG

The Silver Surfer is brought to the screen by screenwriters that reduce his planet-destroying master to a storm cloud and a director who cut his teeth making movies such as the Jimmy Fallon / Queen Latifah epic "Taxi."

Yes, it's that bad. Picking up from the even-worse 2004 film, the stretchy Mr. Fantastic (Gruffudd, so terribly bland in this role) is being scolded for not taking the time to marry Invisible Woman Jess Alba, because of more important things to do, like saving the world and stuff.

Doesn't anyone find it rather selfish that she's going on and on about her wedding when THE WORLD IS GOING TO END?

I've had it with Michael Chiklis' Ben Grimm. Chiklis seems like a great guy to grab a beer with, but these films feature a juvenile, neutered version of the Thing, and it's just insulting.

It's up to Chris Evans as the Human Torch to save the acting day, and he does well with what he has, (a 'player' who wants to settle down) which isn't much.
 
I didn't think it was possible for the filmmakers to portray Victor Von Doom any worse than they did in the last film, but I was wrong. Julian McMahon is woefully miscast as one of the most fearsome comic book villains ever - Dr. Doom.

Doom was one of the inspirations for Darth Vader, for Sith's sake - and in these films he is reduced to a lightning-spewing Donald Trump. Heck, The Donald would make a better, more convincing Doom. Trump, you're hired!

The subtitle is "Rise of the Silver Surfer" but it could have been "Sudden appearance of the Silver Surfer." Ol' Silvey looks and sounds cool, thanks to super-cool actor Doug Jones, and super-cool voice-over guy Larry Fishburne. (I can still call him Larry. We go way back.)

The Surfer is still the Herald of Galactus, and for a while things follow the book's origins well. But we never see a MASSIVE PURPLE HELMETED GOD OF DESTRUCTION, just a storm cloud and some shadows. Here Galactus seems more like "Whateveracus."

These Fantastic Four films will never work until they take these characters seriously. Just because the team is lighthearted doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want with the characters.

When I look at the screen, I don't see Sue and Johnny Storm, Reed Richards, Dr. Doom, or the Ever-Loving Blue-Eyed Thing - I see work-for-hire screenwriters and an incompetent director.

So how does this rank even Two Stars out of Five? One word: Alba. And not because of her acting, folks.

I'd have my hetero-card revoked if I didn't point out the fact that JESSICA ALBA IS HOT. Not that she's super scantily clad in the film or anything, but I'm just saying if you were going to do something like, oh, I don't know, travel to Mars and populate the planet, you'd want to bring Alba.

To get back on point, is it better than the first film? Yes, but that's like saying it's a slightly better smelling piece of poop. It's still poop.

The team is still best described as "The Mediocre Four."

In addition to hosting 'Max on Movies' on Sunday nights at 7pm on 97.1 FM Talk, Max appears weekly on the Dave Glover Show Fridays at 5pm. A member of the Saint Louis Gateway Film Critics Association, Max has written about film and theatre for various print and Web media, and appeared as guest critic on various nationally syndicated radio shows. Max lives in Missouri and yet is a diehard Miami Dolphins fan. He is currently reading a few comic book titles such as "Stan Lee is : The Cameo!" and "The Ballad of Whateveracus."